Cold Friday Mind..

its been a habit since young for me to talk within myself..
sometimes i find it weird and at times i find it very funny..
i recalled the time when i was very young, i used to play at my relatives house with my cousin brother and sister..well, they are from my father's side..
the things i cant understand is tat whenever i visited their side, i have a sense of fear..or perhaps inferior complex or perhaps it was my mom's feeling towards them..
i just don understand why i always recalled the memory of me following my father since toddler..
even though i try to push away the thoughts it will still playing on my mind..
when i was young, i used to like to play with my mother's make up set and even her bras..
i will wear them and feel hot all over..kind of weird feeling..
when i grew up, i saw my niece behaving the same way i was when i was young..it did look kind of cute though..
at times, i feel them look like tiny cats..i used to like to cuddle with my mom even at the age of 27 years old..but now i feel embarrased or perhaps the thought of my age almost reaching 30 years old making me feel old or matured..
but i like to disturb my grandmother coz she is the quiet type and just wont care sometimes just ignore you when you talk 3 or 4 times with her..
perhaps she is very boring too sitting alone at home at the sofa..eat, sleep, pray and waiting..i dont like the thought of wondering when she is goin to leave this earth as i ever ask my mom of her age..even my nephew Isaac told me he does not wan to live in this world that old age ..perhaps 70 or 80 years old..
kind of scary the thought of living alone at old age without anyone by your side to care for you..
and i really hate the guy voice inside me..so kaypoh cannot shut up..like to intefere with my thought..:p :p
its raining..and i am running out of idea..i am still thinking wat to wear tonite..i dont feel like dressing up..perhaps i just wear simple blouse and long pant..i hope it is appropriate enuff..kind of lazy to wear kebaya or kurung..maybe i will wear it next Thursday :p :p :p :p
i guess thats all..signing off now..shud invest on thicker dictionary to brush up on my vocabulary..
p.s : New Year Resolution :
1) Smile and stay cheerful
2) Eat healthy food
3) Clubbing and karaoke only (vacation time only) with your very good frenzz and the person you can trusted and will not take advantage of you :P :P :P in an evil way..
4) Quit clubbing and karaoke in SIbu..too dangerous..hahahahahaaha
5) Walk more
6) Join back PnC every Saturday..
7) Just do a bit of evil..so that I have something to say during Confession with the priest as I do not want to look silly going to confession without any sin..
8) watch more movies , read more books, play more games..
9) find a new hobby..cross stich?? or baking?? still thinking
10) remember to set a boundary when communicate with people..dont wan to give wrong idea..